I'm soy-free now, didja know that was a thing?

Yesterday I was in Einstein Bagels at closing time to collect a metric fuckton of free bagels for an event at my wife's latest non-profit job.  I love bagels, esp. Everything Bagels with the crunchy onion and garlic stuff on top.  I literally had a 13+ gallon garbage bag full of bagels, plus a separate paper bag of Everything and Garlic bagels, in the trunk of my car.   I wanted to eat *just one* so bad; my wife's workplace even said it was okay to take a few, but I could not.

Water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink...

I am both lactose intolerant and soy intolerant.  Lactose intolerance has been a thing I've lived with since I was 13.  It's not that bad.  Lots of people are lactose intolerant.  You have to be mindful of certain things, but in cases were I've either slipped, or wanted to indulge, I could always pop a lactaid tablet and be mostly okay.

Soy intolerance is a whole 'nother level of shitfuckery.

From the time I was 18 to about 31, I used soy milk as a substitute for milk.  I thought I was getting more and more sensitive to dairy around 2007 because it seemed like things I used to be able to tolerate, like milk chocolate, spicy ethnic food (mexican, indian, asian), and fried chicken from restaurants, were triggering reactions.  In my butt.  Or out my butt.

During this time I was working on the phones in a call center, so I attributed all my stomach problems to increased dairy sensitivity and stress at work.  By 2009 I decided that certain breads with extra grains/millet in them were causing me problems and was afraid that I might have an ulcer or something.  So instead of going to a doctor, like a rational person, I said, "white bread only!" to my health conscious wife.  (I had several bad experiences with different doctors until I quit going altogether when I was 18.)

In 2011, I was given a temporary administrative assignment off of the phones.  I began to notice that I needed to poop every 2 hours.  I'd eat breakfast (at this time cereal with soy milk), then go to work... spend my morning break in the bathroom, then back to work... spend 10 - 15 mins of my hour-long lunch in the bathroom, then back to work... spend my afternoon break in the bathroom, then back to work...  go home, go straight to the bathroom, eat dinner/watch TV and then poop one more time before bed.

It wasn't quite diarrhea, it wasn't watery.  But it also wasn't quite "right" neither.  I also farted - CONSTANTLY.  I could never fart enough.  I fart a lot, A LOT less now.

I must've been doing this while I was on the phones, but didn't notice.  Call center work can be so depressing that you just kind of lose track of life.  It becomes a blur and you feel like you're falling down a time hole.  I guess I just chalked it up to stress and a possible ulcer that I didn't feel like professionally treating.  But after two months of stress-free work off of the phones, I began to realize that I had a problem and I couldn't blame work-related stress any more.

My sister had become gluten intolerant a few years before all this, so the first thing I tried was cutting anything gluten-y out of my diet, but nothing changed.  I eliminated spicy foods, I stopped eating meat, I tried all kinds of stuff before cutting out soy.  I think I literally tried soy last, and I only thought of it because my mother had recently had breast cancer and was told to avoid soy because it's been linked to that. (Which is it's own level of what-the-fuckedness.)

Once I zero'd in on soy, I began to get better, but there was a long period of adjustment where I realized just how much stuff has soy in it.  I remember thinking I had a problem with eggs when the problem turned out to be the vegetable oil I was frying my hashbrowns in. The label on the front of the bottle said in big letters, "Vegetable Oil," but one day I randomly saw the back of it and it said, "ingredients: soybean oil."  Why not just fuckin' call it soybean oil, you fucking dicks?

From here I slowly realized that all restaurants use soybean oil. Soybean oil is the cheapest oil; therefore, any enterprise that is in the business of MAKING MONEY is going to use soybean oil instead of some other, more expensive oil - UNLESS it's a specialty restaurant that SPECIFICALLY eschews soybean oil for reasons of either health or authenticity.

Buffalo Wild Wings's allergen menu doesn't check off "soy" next to a lot of its sauces, but then if you look at the bottom there's a disclaimer that they all contain "highly refined" soybean oil that the FDA and/or USDA decided doesn't count.

Bullshit, it counts for me.

Click to enlarge

Click to enlarge

(To be fair, there is a difference between "soy allergic," which is a respiratory reaction, and "soy intolerant" which seems to be an intestinal reaction.  The "soy allergic" can do highly refined soybean oil, but the "soy intolerant" cannot, I guess.)

Chipotle was always kind enough to openly state on their allergen menu that yes, indeed, their rice and tortillas contained soy, but Qdoba for the longest time did not (even though it sure as shit did).

After 2 years, I finally got the hang of what does and doesn't include soy, but every once in a while I'll eat something that will catch me off guard.  I had sushi with masago last Christmas, knowing that masago was fish eggs.  What I didn't know until afterwards was that masago is packed and shipped in soy sauce. I had Jenny-O turkey brats on a family vacation in July which got me, even though nothing on the label seems to indicate anything soy related.  I guess I have to watch out for "Natural Flavors" now. Wonderful.

These days, I drive over 20 mins each way to shop at the nearest Whole Foods, because the normal grocery store just down the road doesn't have a single brand/type of bread that doesn't include un-specified vegetable oil.  (If it doesn't specify which "vegetable," it's definitely soy.)  At the regular grocery store, lunch meats include various soy fillers, juices contain non-specific vegetable oil to help with coloring/appearance, and any quick-and-easy boxed/frozen dinner thing?  Forget about it!

I eat out a lot less and cook a lot more at home, which is probably good for me, but there are certain things I just can't make/replicate - like Everything Bagels with the crunchy stuff on top.  And Buffalo Wings.  And Chinese Food, my favs were always spicy chicken dishes like General Tso's and Kung Pao.

My soy intolerance has gotten worse since I discovered it.  I wonder if before, when I was regularly eating soy, the reaction was constant but less severe. Now that I go without any soy for months at a time, the reactions are a lot worse.

On the other hand, maybe it would have still gotten worse even if I kept pouring soy milk on my cereal every morning and I just would have withered away and died by now.

Here's what happens if I ever eat soy now:

(WARNING:  This is gross)

If I ever inadvertently eat soy, after about 2 hours I purge EVERYTHING out my butt.  It's bad.  It's painful.  It makes me want to die.  After that, anything I eat for the next day will fall out my butt in about 2 to 3 hours.  It's like my digestive system just says, "nope, see ya'!"  Now that I am familiar with this, during the first day I only have water, and even then, I end up pooping out "stragglers" in my digestive system.  My intestines are swollen during this time and I'm visibly bloated.  I have to wait a full 24 hours before eating again, and even then, I need to keep it restricted to apple sauce and soft fruits without seeds.  By the third day, I can usually start eating meat and soft noodles.  It takes a week before I feel completely "back to normal."

Right now, I haven't had a problem since the turkey brats in July, and that's probably the longest I've gone without an attack.

***

I actually saw a doctor about something else last January, the first time I'd been to the doctor since I was 18.  I was 32.  I only went because I had discovered 2 lumps that I didn't have before - one on my right arm, one on my left leg.  It turns out they were harmless lipomas - benign tumors made of stray fat cells.  He decided since I was there, to ask me questions to establish a medical history.  When I told him about my soy problems, he seemed skeptical.

I am absolutely convinced that if I had gone to a doctor before I had figured this out on my own, at best I'd have been diagnosed with the catch-all "IBS," and at worst they would have removed my colon and I'd be wearing a colostomy bag right now.

Everything I've learned about this shit, I researched myself on the internet.  It's not always easy, sometimes I get lucky and just happen to find things.  I try to imagine what this would be like for me in the 80s or 90s.  My dad always had stomach problems/ulcers, but he was an alcoholic and drug addict, so it's hard to say.  My mother has an aunt who literally hated eating, and was known for barely eating anything. Everyone thought she was nuts, but now we kind of wonder if she had some kind of gluten and/or soy problem that was never diagnosed.  I mentioned my gluten-intolerant sister, she was a lot of help early on and had some helpful suggestions (like eating apple sauce and mashed potatoes to help reduce intestinal swelling after an "incident").

I know I come across as very anti-doctor, but I'm not an anti-vac'er or new ager or something like that.  I believe very strongly in science and its power to enrich humanity.  But somewhere along the way, commercial medicine, where people have ailments and pay doctors to diagnose and treat them, has gone way wrong.  Regular ol' doctors - the kinds that you and I get to go to - don't seem to link what people eat to what ails them, and instead try to ward off every symptom with some drug or by cutting out some organ.

I also suspect that my soy intolerance is due to consuming so much soy over 10+ years.  Maybe if I hadn't had all that soy milk, I would be able to tolerate soybean oil better?  Impossible to know for sure without years of scientific study, and I hate be conspiracy mongering, but I also wonder if Genetically Modified soybeans might be part of my problem, too.

So, yeah...  that's my life now.  I'm soy-free.  But I can eat all the fuckin' gluten that I want, bitches!  *knocks on wood*

addendum to previous post

In my previous post, I mentioned my wife's former employer not paying the health insurance company, even though they were deducting health insurance from their paychecks.  We just found out that a coworker of hers who had a baby in November just got billed the full costs - meaning that the employer likely was not paying the health insurance company at least since October.  Holy shit.  That's, like, tens of thousands of dollars.  That by all right these new parents should've been covered for.  My wife was laid off Feb. 21st, so from October to Feb. 21st, these sacks of shit were deducting health insurance costs from everyone's paychecks, and not paying the health insurance company.

Fortunately, my wife didn't need anything medical during this timeframe.  She did get new glasses and contacts though, and we did get billed twice for it, but both times, the vision insurance, VSP, told us it was a mistake.  Wait and see, I guess, we may get stuck with that bill in the end, but at least it's "only" $300, and not $10,000+...

Dear rich people who wonder why so many people hate the rich...  when this is all said and done, the owners of this fucked company will somehow still be rich, maybe not by their own standards, but by the standards of 90% of the population.  Meanwhile, hundreds of workers are stiffed and some of them, like this new mom, will probably end up having to file for bankruptcy due to the owners' malfeasance.  We have a problem with wealth incumbency in America - due to LLCs, and bankruptcy, rich people don't become paupers anymore - they aren't financially ruined the way they once could be.  When you fuck this many people over and still get to live like a king, even after a brief stint in minimum security prison, the pitchforks and torches will eventually come out.

I posted nothing in 2013...

I'm thinking about coming back to this because my posts are too long for Facebook, let alone Twitter.  I'm a wordy old fart. As I get older, Facebook has less friends and more family and former co-workers. I don't feel comfortable posting my leftist rants there, which is bullshit, but whatever. Also, I post music I like there and get crickets in response. Not saying I ever got a huge response here, but I never minded.

Originally, this "blogspot" was a way to communicate with the woman who would become my wife when we were living 6 hours apart. When we moved in together, there was less of a reason to post here. A couple weeks ago, Facebook said my wife liked some local realtor's listing for a 3bd house around here. I asked her why she was liking that, and she said she didn't. Turns out it was a "sponsored post," where Facebook impersonates my wife and tries to influence me. That's not advertising, that's infiltration.

I wanted to delete my Facebook account, but there's a guy with my same name in my general area, and listed in his publicly available profile is that he and his wife are swingers. My sister thought I was him years ago because his profile pic was a pair of speakers and I'm into electronic music, so therefore...

In this age of corporate totalitarianism, one wants to avoid all controversy, lest one lose out on employment, promotions, professional esteem, etc...

Speaking of employment, my wife is newly unemployed as of this week. It's actually a fucked up story. She wants to be a good person and do good-people-type work, so she started volunteering at a local hospice. After a year or so, there was an opening in her field of work, and she was encouraged to apply. She landed the job. Her salary went from ~$25k/year at her old job to ~$34k/year at this new one. We were actually thinking about buying property (probably a 2bd condo, not a 3bd house).

But here we are, just over 6months later, and it's turned to shit. Turns out, the company was defrauding Medicare for a few years, was investigated in 2011, and the CEO/owner was indicated this past January.  This is real - check it out.  No one knew he was being indicted. My wife happened to be working from home due to a bad snowstorm, and was checking the local weather, and there was her boss's boss, right on the front page of the Chicago Sun Times website. My wife's boss didn't know. No one in that office seemed to know.

Within two weeks, there were layoffs. That group of people were the lucky ones. They were laid off that payday, a Friday, and we were surprised/relieved to find that there was indeed a paycheck that week.  The following Monday, Medicare officially refused to pay the hospice anymore. There were rumors that a national hospice chain was going to buy them out. On that Weds, my wife's coworkers were being rejected when they tried to give doctors and pharmacists their health insurance card. It turns out that the hospice had been deducting health insurance costs from everyone's paychecks, but had not actually paid the health insurer in months.

During this period we had learned that the hospice - which doesn't have it's own medical facility, but instead specializes in "renting" space and equipment from the nursing homes that the patients were already staying in (Apparently this arrangement is the "new thing" for hospice care.) - had not paid many of it's nursing home/landlord/clients since 2012. Many of the nursing homes in the area had pretty much blacklisted this hospice for non-payment. As you can imagine, no company wanted to buy this huge pile of debt obligations - it would cost too much even at a price of zero dollars.  Hell, they could PAY YOU to take the company and you'd still end up screwed.

So! - after not paying health insurance for months, after not paying "rent" to nursing homes that it depends on for business for over a year, after not paying its freaking PHONE BILLS and being told the phones were about to be SHUT OFF, the place was going down fast. Supposedly there's a law that anytime an employer in this area lays off 50+ employees, it must serve 60 days notice to the state. The hospice did not do that. The hospice also did not have any contingency plan in place to take care of/transfer it's hundreds of remaining hospice patients.

So what's an unethical, morally bankrupt, private, for-profit corporation to do? Make everyone left, including my wife, work an extra week, knowing full well that you will not be able to pay them come payday!  We kind of figured this, but many of her coworkers had no idea that was even a possibility. Many of her coworkers did not know just how dire the situation was. Everyone knew the company was closing down, everyone knew they'd be laid off "soon," but no one thought that the people left running the company (the owner/CEO was barred from having anything to do with the business by judge's order) would have them work knowing full well they could not pay them.  They even made a point to let everyone know that if they quit showing up to work, they would be "fired," and that being fired means you don't get unemployment benefits.

But can you really fire someone for not working when you have no intention of paying them?  Sure enough, the following payday, there was no pay, just lay off letters.

Now at my place of employment, which is a giant company, the paychecks we get on Thursday pay us up to the previous Saturday.  Unbeknownst to me, (but known to my wife), this place paid an extra 2 weeks behind.  So when she started working there, it took her a month to get paid, and when she didn't get paid last Thursday, that was actually for work from 3 and 4 weeks ago.

So we are screwed out of 4 weeks of wages, PLUS the health insurance money that was deducted but not turned over to the health insurance company, PLUS her vacation pay, which by law the company is required to pay everyone, but there's NO MONEY.

Sadly, it's not even worth suing for.  The corporation, the LLC entity, is busted.  $0 balance. Owes EVERYONE money.  The owner will likely be found guilty, and the government will demand restitution of the stolen Medicare funds which are more than his entire estate I'm sure.  His father, who is also part owner in the company and also runs a chain of nursing homes, is also supposedly being investigated AND rumor has it has defaulted on 2 nursing homes and recently put his house up for sale. I have a feeling suing these guys for lost wages will be like squeezing blood from the turnip, especially since, if I'm not mistaken, the government gets its money first. (Which I understand, and I'm not shaking my fist at the government over this).

Fortunately, I'm off wiener duty, and the company I work for is robust and expanding. I like my new job, I'm a data analyst of sorts (and I'm sure I could never be an analyst for any other company), it pays well, and I'm pretty happy with it.

I think part of the reason I quit writing was that being on wiener duty crushed me to the point where I felt like my thoughts, opinions, likes, dislikes, etc. didn't matter. I think I can honestly say that I've talked to a million people in the last 7 years, and that can really screw with your sense of self, especially when you're in a role of subservience to the general public. You have no idea just how dumb people can be until you've plunged yourself face first into a flowing river of dicks everyday for years, and years, and years...