Thursday, March 13, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Pit Bulls and Pratfalls
There was a pit bull loose in my neighborhood. I first saw it on Sunday, it was hanging out in a strip of trees on the other side of a chain link fence. It walked away as I approached, so it wasn't immediately threatening, but I was worried because I walk my two dogs along there once a day. I didn't want my dogs being attacked; I already have enough stress in my life, what with the wiener factory having taken over the pork plant where I work.
I called Hoosierville-A Animal Control, only to find out that they were closed on Sundays. Good thing it wasn't Cujo frothing at the mouth, I guess. I left a message informing them there was a male - not neutered - pit bull roaming around the neighborhood right near a public park where people like me walk their dogs, and people not like me bring their kids.
Monday night, I came home from a grueling day of work at the wiener factory planning on taking my dogs out for a walk, only to find the pit bull running brazenly around my neighborhood - chasing people who were riding their bikes and walking their dogs. I called Hoosierville-A Animal Control again. They were closed. Again. This time I fucked around with their phone menu until it gave me an emergency number. The lady who answered sounded like she had a metal plate in her head. I explained the situation. Loose pit bull. Not neutered. Chasing people.
It'd have to wait until morning.
Okay. I called the Hoosierville-A police non-emergency number. They told me to call Hoosierville-A animal control. Round and round in circles. Just like the pit bull outside my house. He wanted to hump my dogs. Both my dogs are boys. Who the fuck doesn't neuter their dogs, let alone their pit bull? An asshole, that's who.
The only way I was going to walk my dogs that night was to neutralize the pit bull - take him out of the game. It was important I walk my dogs - If I didn't, they would eat me in my sleep. Keep in mind, I work in the wienie factory all day now. I'm delicious.
I used food to lure the pit bull into my backyard. He was starving, I could see his rib cage and his spine through his skin. He was never aggressive - like I said, all he wanted out of my dogs was a quick hump. Not that I didn't mind that, but at least he wasn't looking for a fight.
I locked him in my backyard while I walked my dogs. Then I tried the animal control emergency number again. Metal plate lady answered. I explained I had the pit bull trapped in my backyard. She said there was no way anyone could get him - it was after hours. I asked if there was *anywhere* I could take *him*. She said there was not, and advised me to leave a message on the Hoosierville-A answering machine, that way they'd here my message sooner and get to me first. Tax dollars at work. I left a message, there's a stray pit bull, not neutered, locked in my backyard. Please take him away.
So there I was, with an unwanted overnight guest. It was getting cold, he was whining and howling. I felt bad for him. Plus, my dogs couldn't get over the excitement of having a new friend around and wanted to go out back and play with him. No way. Not going to let my boys get humped by a sketchy drifter.
But there was also no way I was going to be able to sleep that night between the evening visitor howling out back and my boys barking in response. I decided I had to put the pit bull in the garage. I got a leash and spent some time coaxing him close enough that I could slip it over his head. I was afraid the entire time that he would go into pit bull tard-rage mode and attack. He didn't. He wasn't exactly cooperative about going to the garage, despite the emaciation, he was still pretty strong. Little, too. My dogs were about 50% larger than him, but he had it where it counts. Mainly his balls. Seriously, this dog had gigantic balls for his size.
Once in the garage, I gave him some food and water. I know you're not supposed to feed starving dogs, it can make them sicker, but I didn't know what else to do. I got an old cushion and some raggy towels and made him a little bed. He seemed a bit more relaxed. Then I took some pictures to go with the story.
Seriously, those are some fucked-up huge balls.
He was quiet the entire night. I sleep right above the garage - like the Fonz. My boys had no idea he was in there, so they were quiet for the rest of the night as well.
The next morning, I woke up a bit early, something I hate doing, to put the pit bull back in my backyard in case Animal Control came to get him. First I had to let my boys out to do their thing. I kept an eye out the front window the entire time, imagining a worst case scenario where Animal Control comes and takes my dogs instead of the one I want them to take.
Once I had the pit bull out back, it was the same ritual as the night before - the guest was whining and howling, wanting to come in, my boys were freaking out over the new kid that I wasn't allowing them to play with.
Finally, around 9am, Animal Control came by. I wasn't entirely 100% sure our friend was a pit bull, as I am not an expert, so I asked the animal control guy. He said, yeah, that's a pit bull. He really wasn't happy about that fact, but he had no trouble getting him.
It sucks that he's going to get his balls chopped off and possibly be put to sleep. No matter his temperament, I doubt city shelters are that interested in adopting out pit bulls. He seemed like a good dog too, but maybe he just came off as more sweet than he normally was because of his weakened state. I don't know. Part of me wishes I could've kept him around and named him "Gir" after the Invader Zim character, but I've got more than enough dog on my plate. Aside from that, my boys like to play a bit rough, and I don't think a pit bull, especially one whose past I know nothing about, would mesh well with their play style. It's far to0 easy to imagine them playing and him freaking out and clamping on to one of their necks and not letting go.
So overall, a sense of sadness. That, and it really fucking sucks to work in the wiener factory.
I called Hoosierville-A Animal Control, only to find out that they were closed on Sundays. Good thing it wasn't Cujo frothing at the mouth, I guess. I left a message informing them there was a male - not neutered - pit bull roaming around the neighborhood right near a public park where people like me walk their dogs, and people not like me bring their kids.
Monday night, I came home from a grueling day of work at the wiener factory planning on taking my dogs out for a walk, only to find the pit bull running brazenly around my neighborhood - chasing people who were riding their bikes and walking their dogs. I called Hoosierville-A Animal Control again. They were closed. Again. This time I fucked around with their phone menu until it gave me an emergency number. The lady who answered sounded like she had a metal plate in her head. I explained the situation. Loose pit bull. Not neutered. Chasing people.
It'd have to wait until morning.
Okay. I called the Hoosierville-A police non-emergency number. They told me to call Hoosierville-A animal control. Round and round in circles. Just like the pit bull outside my house. He wanted to hump my dogs. Both my dogs are boys. Who the fuck doesn't neuter their dogs, let alone their pit bull? An asshole, that's who.
The only way I was going to walk my dogs that night was to neutralize the pit bull - take him out of the game. It was important I walk my dogs - If I didn't, they would eat me in my sleep. Keep in mind, I work in the wienie factory all day now. I'm delicious.
I used food to lure the pit bull into my backyard. He was starving, I could see his rib cage and his spine through his skin. He was never aggressive - like I said, all he wanted out of my dogs was a quick hump. Not that I didn't mind that, but at least he wasn't looking for a fight.
I locked him in my backyard while I walked my dogs. Then I tried the animal control emergency number again. Metal plate lady answered. I explained I had the pit bull trapped in my backyard. She said there was no way anyone could get him - it was after hours. I asked if there was *anywhere* I could take *him*. She said there was not, and advised me to leave a message on the Hoosierville-A answering machine, that way they'd here my message sooner and get to me first. Tax dollars at work. I left a message, there's a stray pit bull, not neutered, locked in my backyard. Please take him away.
So there I was, with an unwanted overnight guest. It was getting cold, he was whining and howling. I felt bad for him. Plus, my dogs couldn't get over the excitement of having a new friend around and wanted to go out back and play with him. No way. Not going to let my boys get humped by a sketchy drifter.
But there was also no way I was going to be able to sleep that night between the evening visitor howling out back and my boys barking in response. I decided I had to put the pit bull in the garage. I got a leash and spent some time coaxing him close enough that I could slip it over his head. I was afraid the entire time that he would go into pit bull tard-rage mode and attack. He didn't. He wasn't exactly cooperative about going to the garage, despite the emaciation, he was still pretty strong. Little, too. My dogs were about 50% larger than him, but he had it where it counts. Mainly his balls. Seriously, this dog had gigantic balls for his size.
Once in the garage, I gave him some food and water. I know you're not supposed to feed starving dogs, it can make them sicker, but I didn't know what else to do. I got an old cushion and some raggy towels and made him a little bed. He seemed a bit more relaxed. Then I took some pictures to go with the story.
Seriously, those are some fucked-up huge balls.
He was quiet the entire night. I sleep right above the garage - like the Fonz. My boys had no idea he was in there, so they were quiet for the rest of the night as well.
The next morning, I woke up a bit early, something I hate doing, to put the pit bull back in my backyard in case Animal Control came to get him. First I had to let my boys out to do their thing. I kept an eye out the front window the entire time, imagining a worst case scenario where Animal Control comes and takes my dogs instead of the one I want them to take.
Once I had the pit bull out back, it was the same ritual as the night before - the guest was whining and howling, wanting to come in, my boys were freaking out over the new kid that I wasn't allowing them to play with.
Finally, around 9am, Animal Control came by. I wasn't entirely 100% sure our friend was a pit bull, as I am not an expert, so I asked the animal control guy. He said, yeah, that's a pit bull. He really wasn't happy about that fact, but he had no trouble getting him.
It sucks that he's going to get his balls chopped off and possibly be put to sleep. No matter his temperament, I doubt city shelters are that interested in adopting out pit bulls. He seemed like a good dog too, but maybe he just came off as more sweet than he normally was because of his weakened state. I don't know. Part of me wishes I could've kept him around and named him "Gir" after the Invader Zim character, but I've got more than enough dog on my plate. Aside from that, my boys like to play a bit rough, and I don't think a pit bull, especially one whose past I know nothing about, would mesh well with their play style. It's far to0 easy to imagine them playing and him freaking out and clamping on to one of their necks and not letting go.
So overall, a sense of sadness. That, and it really fucking sucks to work in the wiener factory.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Blofeld (infinity^2)
New post on MatrixSynth has a youtube video that's about 10mins of someone cycling through the Blofeld presets.
Maybe it will actually be available by the end of March?
Maybe it will actually be available by the end of March?
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